September 2007 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, PCOS for short. Even though I immediately thought this would be devastating news -- this actually was the day I had been waiting for for years.
I am not, have never been, and will never be a "skinny girl". First off -- I've got German genes that combined with Irish, English, Welsh, Polish, and Scottish, require me to be short and stout. I'm also close to the same height as both of my parents -- so height was never in the cards for me. I stand proudly at 5 feet, 3/4 inches. Some people ask why I don't just say 5/2, others ask why I care so much about the 3/4. This answer, in my mind at least, is simple...Every centimeter counts when you are considered short so you bet your ass I'm going to care so much about the 3/4. The honest person in me can't quite bring myself to round up to 5/2 -- so there you have it. Besides, the best things come in small packages right? Too cliche?
I have always been an active and healthy person. I began dancing at the age of 3 and until a month before I left for my freshman year at UConn was dancing anywhere from 4-7 days a week at the studio and competing for 5-6 months out of the year, summers were spent competing at the national level. I studied ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical, acrobratic, pointe, and some modern and hip-hop (although hip-hop and I have never liked each other). When I went to UConn, not only was I working at a coffee shop whenever I wasn't in class or rehearsal...I was also in musicals dancing, or in the annual dance show dancing and choreographing, and taking any dance class I could whether or not it was for credit.
After college I began working with kids and working in a deli department -- and even found some time (don't ask me how) to go to the gym for a stint. Well, I noticed that no matter how hard I worked or how often I worked out...I was still gaining weight, and NOT losing it when everything I did dictated I should have been losing (according to my doctors too!).
So on that day in September, hearing the confirmed diagnosis of PCOS was really, really great news.
Click here (http://women.webmd.com/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview ) for WebMd's definition of PCOS and some great explanations on all the different facets. I won't go into all the medical details here -- because there are a LOT of details and symptoms and possible results if treated/not treated etc.
The most important thing to realize about PCOS is this: Although it occurs in 1 of every 15 women, most of the time it goes undetected by the woman -- thus causing all of its related problems (diabetes, infertility, obesity, etc.). If diagnosed, and if treated, most of the issues can be avoided and PCOS will be nothing more than a daily reminder when you take the medication.
I don't know how I got PCOS -- they still are not sure if it's genetic (although they think it may be and are researching this). I don't know if I will ever be back to my "high school weight" and believe this is an unrealistic goal unless I start dancing 7 days a week for 4-6 hours a day as I was in high school. I don't know why this is not something every woman who may be considered overweight, and can't get pregnant isn't automatically tested for this as a precaution. I don't know why I was so lucky to have the OBGYN I did who actually knew what PCOS was -- in the remote Berkshires. He was brand new to the practice -- and only practiced for a year after until breaking his arm in 3 places and having to retire (sad). I don't know how I was also lucky to meet a man who loves me no matter what I look like (as long as I'm healthy of course) and who supports me through all of the struggles that come along with dealing with PCOS.
This is what I do know -- I am not a skinny woman, nor will I ever be. I do know that I will lose the weight I want to (I've been losing gradually ever since, slowly, the RIGHT way to keep it OFF). I know there are people in my life who think I am beautiful, and see beyond the vertical challenge and the extra padding. I know there are people in this world who don't think twice about how I look, or my body type, or any of the superficial shallow judgements that are made on a regular basis. I know there are GIRLS in this world who are already hating their bodies and the way they look because of all the airbrushing and touchups that are made on every photo printed in every magazine published. I know there are people who are automatically mean and verbally abusive to women who they might consider overweight (I refer to the ever pleasant T-rider who last week called me a fat bitch when getting on...classic). I know all of these things are unacceptable treatment for girls and women -- and our society MUST begin to spend more time celebrating the differences in a woman's shape, and the beauty of the curve as well as the washboard stomach. We have to end this idea that there are only 3 or 4 body types that are "sexy" or "beautiful" because it is ruining our young women's perspective on themselves.
Feeling like you can't possibly be beautiful simply because you do not match the image you see on your Seventeen Magazine cover is devastating to a girl who is just beginning to understand what puberty is and what all those curves mean. Trust me, it took me a long time to believe that yes, I am indeed beautiful. I am not totally satisfied with my image at the moment -- but it is no longer the obsession it used to be. It's a life-long fight for anyone (man or woman) to find peace in their self-image, and it is our job as members of the older generation to support them in an atmosphere of love, education, and understanding.
This does not mean that I don't believe there are people in our society who purposely do nothing to care for themselves...but I'm not here to preach on what I think good eating/exercise/and life habits are. There's enough literature in the world to help anyone develop a healthy lifestyle, I'm not needed as another voice on this topic.
But I do want everyone to take a moment before they look at someone...a woman especially...and remind him/herself that you don't know their personal situation. You never know what that person has going on in his/her life. They may be fighting a disease that shows no visible symptoms. They may be dealing with the heavy loss of a loved one, or the loss of their job, or even adjusting to a new town/apartment/house or ALL OF IT ALL AT ONCE. If you're having a bad day, try your best not to take it out on someone you don't know, and do what you need to do to make your day better...go for a walk, talk to your best friend, hug your pet, play a videogame, sing a song, punch your pillow, eat some chocolate, whatever it is that makes you happy. Spend your day reacting from a perspective of respect and I think life would be much easier.
You just never know.
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